3 Mindful Ways to Support Others During the Loss, Grief, and Crises of the Los Angeles Fires and beyond.
As I write this, I am sitting at my kitchen table and I am listening to the sound of the ominous wind on day 3 of the Palisades fire. I live on the north end of Los Angeles. I am one of the lucky ones who still have electricity and my home is safe. My children are resting, my dog is snoring near me, and I am beyond grateful for all of it.
At the same time, my close friends have lost their homes and pets. So many are displaced. People have lost their lives. And like many of you, my mind is scrambling on how to be the most supportive.
Since I pick up to write this again, about 10 hours have passed, and I have evacuated due to the fast moving smoke and fire from the Kenneth fire. (photo is from our evacuation ride). Once again, we are grateful to be safe, but carry the heavy heart and question of how to be most effective and supportive for all of those in need.
In times of loss, grief, confusion, and drastic change, it can be extraordinarily difficult to know how to best support the people that need it the most. We want to be there for those we love, and strangers that need help, but how?
As a trauma-informed coach and healing practitioner, I want to share ways that I have found personally and professionally effective and helpful.
3 tips to mindfully support others who have been affected by the Los Angeles Fires, or in any time of loss, grief, crises, and extreme stress.
- Help, hear, or hug. It might sound cliche, or "cringy", as my teens would say. But trust me, this skill set will not only help you be a strong support, but it will help improve all relationships.
- When someone needs support, ask a direct question. "Do you want my advice on how I could help you?" Or say something like, "I am here to listen, what are you going through?" And if the comfort level is there, ask, "Can I give you a hug?" However they respond, hold that space for them. Your urge may be to "fix it" or "solve the problem". But that is not always what people want or need. When you use this strategy, you are immediately giving others the type of support they are looking for.
- . Be a source of grounding and nourishment. When people are in a state of extreme and prolonged stress, nervous systems become dysregulated. This dysregulation makes it difficult, if not impossible, to know or say when we are thirsty, hungry, or need rest. When you are around others in this state, bring them water. Bring them warm soup or a meal. Bring them a blanket and offer them a quiet place to rest. This form of care is a love language that often goes unspoken. It is essential for mental, physical, and emotional healing.
- Do Random Acts of Kindness. If you think someone could use something, just do it. You do not need to ask permission to be kind. In fact, I find that it is most difficult for people to ask for what they need in their greatest times of actual need.
- Send the care package, send the venmo, buy the coffee, or book a hotel for someone if you can. Just this morning my own mom sent me a venmo that said "breakfast for the girls." And in a time of chaos and trying to keep things "normal" this gesture went a very long way. I also remember very well during the Thomas Fire, when we were evacuated for months. I went to check out of a hotel, after incurring waves of debt from displacement, that someone graciously covered the cost. I still don't know who, to this day. And if you are reading this and it is you, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
If anyone needs support at this time, please contact me. I am here to help find resources, listen, or offer a hug. And if you have a resource to share, please comment below and I will help spread the word for people to utilize it.
Love to you,
Julie
